I want to apologize for the long delay in posting about my Bible study. Truth be told, I've been out of town and I've been quite busy trying to get caught up as we came home and I am just now getting enough quiet time to sit and type. So, thank you for your patience and joining me again. I hope that you have continued, by yourselves, with your own Bible study and Lenten devotionals.
If you are fasting, it is my prayer you are doing better than I have. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have had several days I could not follow my own standards and self-imposed fasting-rules. But then I remembered, it's not about perfection...it's about passion.
Praise God He knows my heart and He knows my true intentions! As soon as I was able to jump back on the band wagon, I did! Please pray for me and others joining us that they, too, will be able to make mistakes, ask forgiveness and jump right back into battle!
Now, where were we?
I think I had a Holy Ghost moment with Job. Do y'all remember that? Boy do I love the historical account of the book of Job! He is so admired by me. Mostly because I can relate to him. I ask "Why?" all the time.
Do you hear me?
All the time!
So, to know that people have struggled with asking why for thousands of years, sure brings me comfort and correction. God puts me right back in place when I remember He is the Master of the Universe and He has every right to do whatever the heck He wants to do! Amen?
Okay, jumping back into the "Draw the Circle" book...
Praying Away versus Praying Through
* There is a big difference between praying away and praying through. We're often so anxious to get out of difficult, painful, or challenging situations that we fail to grow through them. We're so fixated on getting out of them that we don't get anything out of them. We fail to learn the lessons God is trying to teach us or cultivate the character God is trying to grow in us. We're so focused on God changing our circumstances that we never allow God to change us!*
Alright, my beloved, if I could insert a "Hallelujah Chorus" right here, I would! Because life doesn't have that red, easy button you see on TV commercials for the office supply store, I need somebody to whack me with truth every now and again.
Has anybody out there been through this? Just raise your hand! Right there at the computer/ phone reading this, just raise your hand. I know I certainly have. And these words spoke directly to my heart...
* Sometimes we need to pray "get me out" prayers. But sometimes we need to pray "get me through" prayers. And we need the discernment to know when to pray what. most of our prayers have as their chief objective our own personal comfort rather than God's glory. There are seasons and situations when we need to simply pray through.*
For some reason, this passage reminds me of a time when I was young and still push-mowing an acre of grass at the first house we bought as a young married couple.
We had a small 900 sq foot fixer-upper home. It was 2 bedroom, 1 bath with washer/dryer right in the kitchen. You could literally sit on the toilet and wash your hands or shave your legs in the tub all at the same time. It was small. But we loved it.
We had close to an acre of land that needed mowing. For the first few times we borrowed a riding mower from John's daddy. As soon as we could afford it, we went and bought a push mower from a local store called Rose's. We were so proud.
But let me tell those of you who have never mowed with a push mower...they are temper-mental. It had a pull-chord to crank. You had to get the right amount of gas and oil. You had to pull that chord just right or it would smoke and not catch to crank. You had to hold the lever on the handle and pull the chord and adjust the settings just so, or it would flood. It wasn't easy.
Then, after all that, you had to walk the entire length of your yard. Back and forth, back and forth. Making nice straight lanes of cut grass for the entire acre of land!
But I remember a day it was about 102 degrees in humid August. I had pulled that dang pull-chord til I thought my arm was gonna literally fall off. I had slipped a few times, scaring myself that I would get my foot caught under the mower and the thing would catch and cut my foot off. And I was tired. And I was hot. And I was even hotter that the sorry thing wouldn't start. And AFTER I had done all I could do, I said a prayer.
I don't remember the exact prayer, but it was something like, "Lord Jesus! You know how tired I am. Can you puh-lease help me get this mower started?! I promise I'll never ask you for another thing as long as I live!" (Ever said that?)
"Oh Lord. Puh-lease. I'm gonna pull this chord one. more. time. If it doesn't start, I'm just gonna put it away. Thankyou.InJesus'Name,Amen."
I stood up straight. Wiped the sweat from my brow and pulled that blasted chord with all my might! I just knew it was gonna start. I knew it.
...It didn't start...
I stood up, mad as fire, and pulled that chord so hard I thought the thing was gonna pull right out of it's holder and break off into my hands.
Nothing.
I pulled again.
And again.
And again.
Finally, after I got over myself, I went back to the Lord and said something like this..."Lord, I'm sorry for the way I demanded you to start this mower. I had no right. Forgive me. I'm gonna pull this chord one more time. If you see fit to have it crank, then I thank you. If you don't want it to crank, then I thank you for the rest 'cause Lord, I'm tired! I love you no matter what and of course, will accept whatever you decide for me. In your name, Amen."
I wiped a tear. I wiped some sweat. I adjusted the settings. I pulled the lever back and yanked on that chord.
The mower billowed a puff of black smoke and started right away.
I learned that day to ask the Lord for things and not to come at Him expecting things. I learned not to bargain with God. I also learned to approach His throne with a humble spirit.
I was broken. I was tired and I had nowhere else to turn. I had stopped believing I could do whatever I wanted and realized everything, everything, EVERYTHING is God's and He has the power to do with it what He wants, when He wants and how He wants.
The author wrote:
* When a prayer isn't answered the way I want, I have a peace that passes understanding because I know that God heard me. I've learned to praise God when the answer is no, not just when the answer is yes. It simply means I'm asking for the wrong thing or for the wrong reason or at the wrong time. And I'm convinced that the day will come when we thank God for the prayers He did not answer as much as the ones He did...the best answer is very rarely what is most convenient or comfortable for us.*
In my book, I had handwritten:
As I study the final part of this lesson, I'm reeling from a very bad week with the kids.
They have been disrespectful, disobedient, discontent and down-right abusive. I have lived with this for over 13 years now.
I'm. So. Tired.
I'm. So. Weary.
We are in the mountains this weekend on a trip with the kids that was gifted to us, even the gas money. I didn't want to go. The only reason I went was because I know my family needs bonding time. Not fun. Not vacation. But bonding.
If they never heal, if they never love, at the end of this journey I need to be able to say I have done all I can.
I have grown closer to God and am more like Him because I have loved unconditionally. I have shown grace, I have given mercy, I have spoke life. My life has shown love and pointed them to the one most worthy - Jesus the Christ.
My Savior. My Lord. My Brother. My King. My Friend.
And because I've prayed THROUGH this, has He changed my circumstances?
Maybe.
But, He has definitely changed me.
In closing, my fellow warriors, I want to tell you that it doesn't matter if you pray "get me out" prayers or "get me through" prayers.
It doesn't matter if you pray about the pain in your back or salvation for your kids.
It doesn't matter if you pray for that elderly neighbor that nobody likes or if you pray for God to puh-lease start that lawn mower.
Just pray.
Oh, how He loves us!
